After reading “Looking In,” the essay I posted yesterday, one of my students asked me via email if I hadn’t been afraid of writing it for fear of being judged, of exposing such a personal time in my life. She was even nervous to ask that question and said she would have never asked me in person.

I welcomed her question, but told her no, I wasn’t afraid of others judging me, that it was a long time ago that I was writing about, before I remarried, before I had my son. No one’s perfect, I said, and some of us are less perfect than others, so no, I wasn’t afraid of what people would think of me. If we writers aren’t writing the truth, then what are we writing?

That said, there are essays I will probably never write because they could expose more than the people I’d write about would want exposed. Those are experiences I may one day fictionalize, But essays, no.

I did worry a little about publishing “Looking In,” worried that those I was writing about would become unhappy with me. In the end, I figured that the person who looked worse of all was me, and if I was willing to put me on the page, than everyone else would be fine. I was wrong, though, and I know that there is at least one person unhappy with me because of writing it.

Marrie Stone interviews Debra Gwartney, author of Live Through This: A Mother’s Memoir of Runaway Daughters and Reclaimed Love and Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want.

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(Broadcast date: February 18, 2009)

This was pubbed in December in Orange Coast magazine.

Essays sometimes take a long time in coming. I started this piece many, many times over the years. Last year when I approached the topic again, it was time.

My students (and friends) often become frustrated when they write an essay, work on it, submit it and it’s rejected. I can empathize. I hate rejection, and moreover, I hate it when I think a piece is ready, when I think I’ve worked on it all I can, and the editor either ignores it, and me, or sends a form rejection or a patronizing note that says he/she knows it will find a home somewhere. Just not there.

I don’t know what to say. Sometimes editors are idiots (I’m an editor, so I can say that). And sometimes your piece just isn’t ready. You don’t know it at the time, or else why would you send it out?

Sometimes we are just so anxious to see our work in print. That anxiety can compel us to send something out before it’s time.

But if an idea harasses you, won’t leave you be, that’s a good sign that you’re not done with it and should work on it until you either place it or you become so sick of it you put each draft through the shredder.

The essay posted here was one that wouldn’t leave me alone. It seems every year since the peeper came by my house, I tried to write the piece. After I wrote the current version and was going through old papers, I found drafts. Horrible drafts. Embarrassing drafts. But drafts nonetheless. I was compelled to write it and the draft had some good elements, but it wasn’t ready.

And then, of course, not everyone will be happy. Some people will be very, very unhappy with you and your work. And that’s regrettable and sad, but it should never stop you from writing and publishing something you’re called to write and publish.

So much of writing and publishing is encompassed in persevering. No one is born a published writer.

I’m working on an essay now that I’ve brought out over the past few years and have worked on off and on. There’s no telling whether it will ever see print. But I want to continue to want to work on it, and that’s enough for me. I’ve learned to pay attention to those ideas and works in progress that bug me, that won’t leave me be.

Our second guest author will be Martin J. Smith and our event will take place on Monday evening, March 16, at 7 p.m. at the Newport Beach Tennis Club.

Marty is a journalist, novelist, and editor of Orange Coast magazine. His books include (with Patrick J. Kiger): “Oops: 20 Life Lessons from the Fiascoes That Shaped America” as well as “Poplorica: A Popular History of the Fads, Mavericks, Inventions, and Lore That Shaped Modern America.”

He is also the author of three crime novels, “Time Release,” “Shadow Image,” and “Straw Men.” Before taking the job at Orange Coast, he served as senior editor of the Los Angeles Times Magazine.

Marty will talk about his writing process, and will also talk about writing for Orange Coast. He will focus on the essay: what makes a good essay and how to write “personal, yet universal.” He’ll have handouts, as well.

Cost for the event is $15, which includes light snacks. Seating is limited; no walk-ins, please. If you’d like to attend and want to mail a check, please email me at penonfire at earthlink dot net to make arrangements. Paypal is fine, too. Choose the email address: penonfire at earthlink dot net, and send $16 (includes $1 more for handling/fees).

The tennis club is located at 2601 Eastbluff Dr, Newport Beach, CA 92660. Parking is free and easy.

Upcoming guests will include Carolyn See (“Making a Literary Life,” “Handy Man”) on Tuesday, May 19, and Lisa See on June 6; locations still to be decided but will be in the Newport Beach/Laguna Beach locale. If you’d like to reserve a seat for either one, please send $15 and indicate which you’d like.)

Barbara DeMarco-Barrett interviews Judith Ryan Hendricks, author of The Baker’s Apprentice and Peter Craig, author of Hot Plastic.

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(Broadcast date: April 29, 2005)

Barbara DeMarco-Barrett interviews Shreve Stockton, author of The Daily Coyote: A Story of Love, Survival, and Trust in the Wilds of Wyoming and Andrea Portes, author of Hick.

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(Broadcast date: February 25, 2009)